Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
