did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
