WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
