Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
