Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
