I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
