ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
