At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
