Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
