i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
