So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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