i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she peed on how many people?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
