He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
