May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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