I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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