Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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