found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
