im drinking this country out of the recession.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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