no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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