Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
