I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
