i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
