Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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