Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
