i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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