You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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