do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I understand Curling. That high.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Found your dick twin last night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
