so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A bitchslap is in order.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
