my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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