pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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