why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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