i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
