i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
