TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
