One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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