that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i may or may not be watching the land before time
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
