Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
