Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
