question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
