Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
