I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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