the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
