mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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