he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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