Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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