I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I will pee on everything he values.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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