I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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