why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
