'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
