Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
